Entitlement
I have been observing people’s actions for some time and am disturbed by the extraordinary amount of entitlement people exhibit. Not walking dogs on leash when it is the rule (for everyone but them), not picking up after their dogs/pets/kids, not giving right away while driving are some examples. It seems like a lot of people ONLY think of themselves. It is quite strange to me, so I have contemplated how we may have gotten here.
I think in part we collectively have had a subtle global goal of several things.
Wanting to celebrate the INDIVIDUAL (We are a country specifically of the individual’s rights run supreme – as we see when we remember that corporate entities are now legal individuals with rights.)
Not wanting to leave anyone out of honoring or celebration (equality)
Wanting to increase each person’s self-esteem (especially a kid’s)
Wanting each person to have autonomy
Erroring in the name of freedom (fewer rules, more freedom)
Some examples of this are:
To give each the CHOICE to abide by a guideline or rule (or not)
To honor each participant, like giving a trophy for participation instead of accomplishment
Holding off on decisions or votes until all have had input – even if it means nothing gets decided or done
When all speak for themselves, the loudest, most free and entitled voice generally gets heard
I believe what we are seeing now is years of these attitudes trickling down through our society and I think it is having a negative impact on overall kindness and consideration of others, leaving so much entitlement.
If, for example, my needs (desires, choices) are the most important factor for me to consider, then what someone else might want, how they are made to feel, or what opportunities are lost to them are of no concern to me. They are a cost of me feeling free and honored. I can tell myself, “Well that is their choice, their problem!” instead of seeing the impact my behavior has had on another. We have become a most self-centered and isolated society. Connection and community investment have taken a back seat to individuality.
You are important and you matter, of course! However, I think it is important to remember that you are not MORE important and don’t matter MORE than others. It is in the ‘self before others’ approach that this focus breaks down society’s greater good.
I have also noticed this individual sense of entitlement has corrupted the self-growth/development perspective of many. This looks like, “I’m doing MY personal work (as in getting therapy or feeling the feels), so my needs/perspective/interpretation is what is most important. Even without any ultimate growth/change, I hear people saying, “I’ve done my work! Therefore, this must be all your fault!” Remember that what people do is about them. [The facts.] But what I TELL myself about what people do – is about me, and where I should be doing ‘my work’! [The thoughts that result from the feelings.]
Here are some questions to help each of us keep our perspectives in balance with the greater good.
Does my behavior impact others negatively-maybe even not directly? For example, are there rules in place for the greater good that I excuse myself of-because I can?
Have I considered my views, or needs more important than another’s in this situation?
Am I valuing myself enough to speak my truth, or am I insisting on being heard over/at the exclusion of the greater good in this situation?
Does my behavior draw a line that excludes others from enjoying/choosing the same options? If everyone made the same choice as I – what would happen to the greater good?
Can I be kind and still ask for what I need – or am I in battle with others to get what I need?
Have I really owned what is mine, what I put into motion in this situation? For example: What part of this is MINE to heal?
How can my behaviors contribute to a greater, more fair, kinder society?
And here is a mantra as a reminder:
My needs are not more important than others’. These are of equal importance. My behaviors contribute to the greater good, of which I am an integral part.
Let me say at this point that we do have some very good social examples of the compassion people are capable of as well. I don’t want to diminish that in this discussion. Here in Colorado, we have recently experienced some devastating fires with over 1,000 homes burned – displacing many families and killing loved ones, pets and livestock. In response, our community has raised well over 14 MILLION dollars to help those who have been impacted. In addition to money, people have opened their homes, offered rental properties, donated goods/ services, and volunteered to help unknown neighbors. Each action is a heart-centered kindness that impacts the individual giving, and all those the donations touch. This is the balance of change that we need.
{GoFundMe said in a news release that more than $14.6 million has been raised from more than 110,000 donors since the fires, which burned more than 6,000 acres and destroyed nearly 1,000 homes and businesses in Superior, Louisville and unincorporated Boulder County]. Jan 4, 2022
We are climbing out of the energy of COVID 2020-2021, along with the current winter season. Days are ever-so-slowly lengthening here in the northern hemisphere. Enjoy the increasing light and may the forces of goodness and kindness be with you!
Blessings,
Janna